i laughed so hard i nearly threw up
Previously, word “crazy” to me means “ting tong” in the head. Then as time passes by, I learnt that crazy is more than that. It’s an illness. It’s not something you can take lightly with. Saying “hey, I got OCD”, “hey, Im depressed” as if it’s something fun. It’s more than that. There’s people who ACTUALLY have that and they suffer. People around them suffer, including their loved ones.
But right now, crazy means a whole lot different to me. Hehehe. I think Im crazy…. more like obsession but still i think im crazy. Here’s the thing: Ive been watching this The Master’s sun drama & im hooked with SJS. Seriously. I couldnt even begin to explain how im such an acute hardcore fan of him. When my friend was like, ohGod hensemnya, and me being there had to listen to her endless obsession was like, duh. That was before final exam. After final exam, I was a totally different person. Transformation!~ Haha. SJS were all over my laptop & hp and I even put them pics as wallpaper ngehehehe. It seems to me Im taking this obsession thingy the whole new entire level. Toooooo much.
Haha. It’s crazy, I know. Actually, I was once head over heels for JS after watching Secret drama ( i think I have male lead obsession syndrome). But that was temporary cuz I had to maintain my sanity for final exam which is like 3 days away. Heheh. Plus, JS is taken, SJS on the other hand…is him. Lololol. That explains the over-the-top obsession. Sekian
I feel like 2013 has been a speedy ride for me. Frankly, I havent give much thought about how my years have been cuz honestly, I didnt care much. New year’s eve have been pretty dull for me. Stayed at college with my laptop and assignments to celebrate. Nevertheless, saw fireworks through my windows somehow makes me realise that ‘OH GOD IT’S 2014 ALREADY’. Haaaa. Funny incident also happened. kahkahkah. Even I wanna story mory here pun rasa macam ‘oh god malunyaaa’. Here’s the thing, I was viewing the fireworks through my window. Then, I saw this bright lights on the sky. I though it was airplane at first, but then the colour is like too bright, somewhat orange-ish, and it was like approaching land, macam nak terhempas. Then, the girls on the highest floor suddenly ran. I panicked. I even thought of jumping from to the ground floor of the thought of God knows what Ive been thinking that time. *meteors, plane caught on fire* sheshhh. Then, I stopped middle way, in front of my house main door. I saw a group of guys somewhat 400m away from me, neighbouring college, lighting these lanterns, and release them up to the sky TROLOLOLOL And the girls were running cuz they wanted to see a clear view of fireworks cuz apparently, there’s this huge water tower opposite of our college, blocking the view…The rest is history. Lololololololololol. Then, all of my panic attack , palpitation, wildest imagination went downhill. Bengong!
Haha. So that’s it about my new year’s eve. Here’s come the 2013 flashbacks….
1. I got my hand on the steering wheels on my 22nd birthday.
2. I got my driving license two months after that. I’m the happiest girl on earth on the day I passed my JPJ test…lagik2 after Ive been told by the pegawai JPJ that he couldve failed me instantly while on-the-road test. Kekehkeh. Now, Im not a pro-driver just yet…but Im trying to reach to that level this 2014. InsyaAllah. Plus, I drove all the way to Lundu and try to hafal Kuching’s road. So far, Im good.
3. Last Ramadan, I managed to puasa penuh!!!!!!! Yeeehaaa! That’s quite an achievement. I think these hormones are starting to listen to me kehkehkehkeh
4. My dad was admitted to hospital due to ugih. It was a shocking moment but Im glad he was all healthy again. Hehe
5. My brother got married! Yeay for another sister-in-law. Kahkahkah. And here’s to me, pledging not to break the tradition of the family whereby all of my siblings got married after turning 26. So yeah. Ive got 4 more years to go hehehehehe Mari berjimba!
6. Hurm, apa lagik ah?
That’s all I could think of. Like I said earlier on, I havent give much thought about this. As for me, I think that as long as Im healthy & I have my family and friends with me…I will be fine. It doesnt matter if I failed or succeed. Kekekekeke. One more thing, to always have Allah in my mind~~
have a bless 2014 peeps!
Student: At home.
Teacher: And what’s it doing there?!
Student: Obviously, having more fun than me.
It always troubles me when people ask me, “degree student?”..and I said , “yes”. and they gave certain kinda look which says, “whatever”. You know, it frustates me cuz in a way, they ridicules like im such a society victim who falls into ‘degree is an IT thing’ like urgh I cant even explain it.
It’s not like I took a degree I want to make myself better than you. You are the one who thinks like that and in a way, u just prove yourself that ridiculing me made you feel better inside cuz u cant have what i have! Urgh. Such disappointment.
Some even think like a degree student shud act like this, shud think like this. Im like, what? Im just a student, I can behave the way I wanted to as long as I dont go beyond the limit that I SET ON MY OWN like seriously? I hate those kind of thinking. And when a degree student mess up a bit, they were like, “that’s not what a degree student shud end up with”. and when a diploma student mess up, they were like fine with it FOR GOD’S SAKE HUMAN BEING MESSED UP SOMETIMES OKAY?
I cant even begin where on earth this kind of thinking began to spread the whole country. Cant people understand that no matter what course or what level of education a person is doing, it’s that person’s choice and it is their way to seek knowledge. and people shud stop judging person based on their level of education. Some diploma student perform better than degree student and vice versa. It depends on the individual itself. At the end of the day, the certificate didnt mean that much unless you perform better at your work area and I know Ive seen this a lot somewhere, graduating is just the beginning to the real life, it’s not the end of knowledge seeking just yet, there’s plenty more to experience out there.
p/s: Anywho, this came when a person who thinks he’s better than me when it comes to research. Well, guess what? Until you came out with good proposal, until you came out with good questionnaire to cater your research objectives and until you go out and deliver questionnaire to 100+ people in this kampung where not everyone as helpful as you thought they would be and other than that you have 10long pages of essay to be written and innovative project to be done in the same time…………then you can claim in front me saying that, “this piece of crap is easy”…….IT’S NOT! Be in my place and you will take back what you say and you jilat balit ludah you. Haaaaaaaa. This kinda people likes to judge people. They think they better than anyone else but theyre not, theyre just the master of their own air liur and that’s just it. Urgh.
Tadik masa data collection, pegi umah awg sap, bekas penghulu kpg dolok. Umah nya bersihhhhhhh gilak2. Nya duak laki bini nang welcoming gila. Best. Awg Sap lucu. Dahla makei tuala jak, kekya ilek2 jak nya jawap soalan. Bila ku salah kira umornya, terus nya nego. Waseh, nang hebat org tua ya. Masih aktif gik, masih boleh nulis, maca, ngira, berkebun……kekya bila kelaka ngn nya ngn bini nya, macam nya datuk ninek ku mpun„„very helpful and friendly. Ya bok successful aging, suka la ku bekelaka ngn org yg warm cmya. Cun nya duak laki bini, suka tetak suka molah lawak. Masih kongang nak drive ke kuching gik, nang hebat org tua ya eh. Ku mok juak jadi kedak ya bila dah tua lak…hehe. Nang very positif…very helpful.
Bila pikir2 balit, ada bgus juak molah research kt kpg dimpun. Tym ya bok dpt kita ngenal org in person, pegi rumah sidak, ngga cmni daknya live their life…best. Walaupun before aku byk komplen sbb susah, ada org x cooperative, ada yang macam maok sik maok….hurm…tapi ada juak yg friendly. So all-in-all, okay. Best. Pengalaman yang sik pat dicarik tmpt lain urg kata. Aku snanya dh give up heheh.
Give up mok pegi rumah ke rumah gik. Cukup la pegi kulu yg rumah ya pat dikira k jarik. At least ada juak ku ngagak urg nak Huhu. Anyway, ku sa nak ngga running man p ku dibelenggu ngn rasa guilty sbb sik polah data collection and geron essay ngn proper. Suma halfway. Not even halfway pun. *Sobs sobs
Pa nak jadi tok? Argh STRESS!
Argh I hate myself today. I cant seem to get things done in the way I expected it to be. My data collection? Not as easy as I expected. My geron essay? Well, I managed to write 1/4 of a single page and I have no idea what to do with the rest 10 freaking pages DAMN it! I hate essay…in university standard. Why? Cuz it make my brain shut, i hate the fact that I have to refer to this article to prove what Im saying in the essay is valid…and I have to deal with citation and referencing some more, I HATE CITATION & REFERNCING MORE THAN ANYTHING. I miss the time when I can write freely without any worries for reading scholarly article and other bulls and my ideas just runs freely and I could write 4 long pages of essay in an hour. Now, with all those restrictions and bulls, I can only write 100 words in an hour GODDDDDDDD I HATE UNIVERSITY!
I feel like I became a lot more worst as I enter university I HATE IT! Other than that, people will intentionally and purposely makes you feel like you are useful and stupid and I know for better that i shud ignore that but the more i ignore the more im drawn myself to such assumptions now I hate myself even more.
URGH. Life never gets better I guess.
TOMORROW IS DATA COLLECTION DAY!!!!!!!!!! Argghhhhhhhhhhhh It’s finally happening GOSH I CANT BELIEVE IT. IM HALF EXCITED & HALF NERVOUS FOR ALL SORTS OF REASONS BUT I KNOW ALLAH IS WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT AND I HOPE TOMORROW WILL RUN SMOOTHLY. Amin. :) Plus, I got my mother with me tomorrow so nothing wrong can happen ehehehe.
Anyway, it’s new year! yeahhhhhh. I hope I was a better person physically, emotionally, mentally and most of all, spiritually. Amin.
Ahhhhhhhh Data collection, be nice to me please! dahla i dont even consult dr sidiah on my sample size, mok crik nahas ka hapa ku tok….haish bukan main penting sample size boleh2 ku main sebarang jak pakey formula entah betol entah sik perghhhhhhhh harap2 okay la. 150 ku ambik, more than enough kali …..hurm..org2 kpg, be nice to me okay? ehe
Well, it’s been a long time since Ive written something over here. Well, say hello to the 22 y/o me! Hehe. Well, life’s been both good & bad. It’s good cuz Ive been gaining new experiences day by day. It’s bad cuz Im not sure whether i suck at human relationship or people are getting suck-ier around me. I cant decide.
I love gaining new experiences, be it bad or good. Like how I went to prostitution premises last week. Not for “dirty” purposes, but for what-shud-i-say, some sort of charity work delivering condoms to the sex workers as part of hiv/aids prevention measures. hurm. I still couldnt believe it till these days. I couldnt categorise if it’s a good experience or bad one…but still, no one had the opportunity to go to such place for a charity reason.
Andddddddd people. Banyak orang, banyak ragam. Patut makin meningkat usia, makin matang. Tapi makin tua, makin suka bikin sakit hati orang. Makin suka manipulate orang. Makin suka merendah2 orang. What happen to these people Ive known since 3 years ago? God. I cant even stand being with you & you. I dont know what went wrong, but God, since when making others feel horrible about themselves become part of the joy in human r/ship? Since when manipulating people for your own purposes made you so greattttttt among others? Gosh, I cant even think properly right now.
Just…I hope that these people would realise how words can be sooooo painful to bear. AND i hope i wont be like them, and be the real me. The one who knows where she stands and what she does. And try not to hurt people along the way. It’s okay to not make more friends but as long as I have the one that I truly cherishes and she/he cherishes me in the same way, that’s fine by me.
Hurm. Actually, tengah sakit hati yang teramat sekarang. Nak buat apa, sabar ja la. I know who I am & I know I wont make big fuss about something so tiny & I dont care what others think about me. Well, those who matters dont mind, and those who mind, dont matters.
Stay calm & cool girl. Be thankful that you still had the life and enjoy it to the fullest!